21 May 2015


Posted by Vinoth Subramanian | Thursday, May 21, 2015 Categories: , , , , ,

It was Ennore railway station and sharply 9:00 in the morning. I was asked to come yesterday for a small talk to the YCS/YSM students. Leo called me day before yesterday. I haven’t prepared I said. Just answer to their question he said. Carlos and Vallan came to pick me up and dropped me in the venue. Father Charles invited me. Million thanks to him.

Our session was between 11 A.M. to 1 P.M.
A case study was given to the students. It was about my life. Nearly a month ago, Leo had asked me a small biography of mine. It had become a case study there. They were murmuring the words. Leo came to the back row where I was sitting. He was having that paper. I asked him to read. He directly denied. Mayhap he would have felt awkward to read by his own lips for me. He went to the front and started questioning them based on that case study.
“Who is a differently able?” I couldn’t hear the answers properly for I was sitting at the back.
“How does he take this?”
“He’s convinced.” One of them said.
“He accepts.” The other one said. Leo sent a boy to bring me to the front. He asked him to make me sit in the center of the stage.
“Is he happy? Or is he sad?” Some said yes, some said no and one said both.
“He’s angry at?” some said god and some said doctor. I had to smile for that.
“How should we treat them?”
“With respect,” “With equality,” “With patience,” were the various answers.
“We should accept them as they are.” One girl said.
“What are those insane words to tease them?” he asked and said most of them.
“What do you learn from this?” They said many.
“What will you take from here?” They said a few.
Finally I was given a chance to speak.
They asked me some questions.
“Have you ever felt committing suicide?”
“I gave 120 days time for my departure to god if nothing works out after my vision loss.” I said and continued, “I prayed sometimes ‘this must be my last night.’ And never thought of committing suicide.”
“What are the difficulties you face?”
“Presently, in India, mobility. Once I counted, totally 17 people helped me per day. I slept for 7 hours. So the ratio is one is to one. That is, for each and every hour, I seek help.”
“What is your motivation?”
“My father. Being a visually challenged is difficult. But, being a parent of a visually challenged is even worse. He had the courage to bring me up. It is equal to bring up 1000 children I feel.”
“When do you feel proud of yourself?”
“I accept everything and that makes me feel proud of myself. Sometimes, my friends also wondered about this.”
"If someone tease you?"
"I will write it in my Blog to increase page views."
“How do you overcome obstacles?”
“I never try to overcome them. In fact, I consider my obstacles as part of my life. I travel along with them. For example, when I walk, I admire my falling. Each and every step of mine is filled with enormous suspense. I love that. At times my obstacles go away from them. But, I believe that I should travel along with my obstacle till my death.”
“What makes you feel happy?”
“My friends. And Leo is a standing example. He may be elder to me, (laughter and claps) but, he always introduces me as a friend. Sometimes, I feel more gifted than other for having best friends for me.”
“Have you ever cried?”
“It doesn’t come actually. It may be 3 years ago. After losing my vision completely, tears were trickled but I had to control for my parents entered. Basically my mind is strong I feel. It’s very rare. There is a possibility of few drops. But, none can differentiate whether I am crying or just tears. So, it was 3 years ago I think that too not to the fullest.”
“Do you love anyone? Are you married? Will you love?” Many students asked me simultaneously.
“So far no. but, I don’t know about my future. Some people say, ‘you are accepting everything so you will accept this also.’ Falling in love with a girl is not a problem. But, I don’t consider girl as a girl rather product of a particular family. So, it won’t be possible with families.”
“He will marry.” Leo yelled.
“What does Leo anna suggest about your marriage?”
“Yeah! He’s also saying the same thing. But, first let him get married. And then let him come and ask me to get married.” They laughed.
“I will marry in two years.” He said.
“I trust.” I replied.
“We hope.” They joined.
“Last question.” Leo said.
“Before that,” I interrupted, “Sorry for the interruption, when Leo asked you a question ‘is he happy or sad?’ one of you said both. And that is the right answer. I feel sad for if I had vision I might have become a police or a military officer to serve country. But, I feel happy that I didn’t get a chance to become a terrorist. I feel sad to trouble people. But, I feel happy for getting friends. I feel happy to introduce many good souls in the society as a blind.”
“Any message?”
“This life can be considered in two aspects. Difficult and challenge. Whenever I face problems, I consider this life is a challenge and not difficult. This is how I take things in my life after learning this saying. Change which you cannot accept and accept when you cannot change.”
The session got over. A girl came and took me for the lunch. A boy also joined. I ate with father. He took me to wash my hands. He could have called someone to take me. I don’t know how I am going to repay for these things. One student plucked my plate and didn’t allow me to wash. I met many students and answered some more questions asked outside. Afternoon session was taken by father. It was useful to me. I learned many things about YCS and YSM.

People assembled in the ground for games. Saranya akka, Carlos and Kamal also joined us. Father was talking to trainees. On the other end, Sam and Vallan put a strong partnership for the fun making event. I didn’t feel like leaving. It was already 5:30. The night would be more pleasant and comical I know.
Nobody wanted me to leave. I also felt the same. I didn’t bring any dress for the next day’s inaugural function. Many said many things to hinder me from leaving.
‘I give mine, (Sam) inform your parents, (all) mine will fit you, (Vallan) we will buy new dress for you, (sam) It will be funny, (new voice) don’t go, think twice, you can, don’t worry about dresses, I also have, I will give my ---, just a day, people are asking, I talk to your father, or you come with same dress tomorrow, nobody will mistake you, (Leo) okay, I will stay here if you say yes, (Saranya akka) and finally, let him think now.’ (Leo)
He knew very well that which word confused me more. I took my mobile and selected my father’s number to dial. They were waiting before me. Nearly 3 minutes. I didn’t dial.
Saranya akka took me alone.
“I didn’t bring any dress akka. Tomorrow there will be that inaugural function. It is difficult to attend. I said.
“You wear their Dhoti?”
“I don’t like Dhoti.” I replied.
“You didn’t call still? Call your father now.”
I unlocked the screen. But he called.
“They ask me to stay. But,” I hesitated a while, “I will come daddy.” Saranya akka will never forgive me for this answer. I convinced her. She wanted to come to drop me in the station. They informed Leo, he informed father and father informed all the students. They sent me off with YCS/YSM clap, love clap and rain clap.
Sam was deflecting me till we reached the car.  
Saranya akka, Vallan and Carlos came to drop me in the railway station. Vallan took the ticket for me after reaching the station. It was 6:55 P.M.
‘The train to central may come at 7:35’ announcement tore the speaker. That’s all! They started again!
“Forty minutes! It’s already late! We will go. Last day. Please anna. It is not going to happen again. Throw the ticket.” It was Vallan. He had been convincing me for 10 minutes continuously without giving me a chance to utter a single word at him.
“Vallan, please don’t make me feel guilty.” My words lost their power towards him and that is why I said like that.
“Okay I will drop you in the early morning.” It was Carlos. If this word uttered in the ground, I would have never moved an inch. But it was too late.
“I should not come back again. I said bye to everyone.” I replied.
“Professional ethics?”
“Yes Carlos.”
“None will say anything and none will think anything. He’s talking too much. Enough is enough. Lift him now.” Saranya akka grabbed my cane and dragged me. She tried to lift me along with Carlos.
“Okay, we shall play arm wrestling. You should come if you lose.” She challenged.
I played with her. I knew the trick. Carlos was pushing her against me. I was preventing. He came on the other side and pulled her hand towards me. It was not at all like arm wrestling. I took my hands up. No result.
It was 7:35. No train still.
Vallan started his usual breathless speech again to convince.
“Even Indian government doesn’t want you to go. Please quit the plan.” He said.
I don’t know how many time Saranya akka uttered the word ‘please.’ I really felt guilty about myself.
“Anna, now I am serious. I didn’t even eat well in the afternoon. Otherwise, I would have talked a lot. I will not allow you if the train is crowded. It is already late.” Vallan said in the tone of seriousness.
“Yeah, we shall say the train is late and that is why you have returned.” Saranya akka again.
“Shall we ask Leo anna to convince him?” Vallan asked.
“Leo will not plea as we do. He will ask thrice and would leave if it doesn’t work.” Saranya akka said.
It was 7:40.
“Vinoth come Vinoth. It’s already late.”
“Okay akka. Give me time till 7:55. I will surely come with if train doesn’t come.”
“No! 7:50.” She said.
“No! 7:55.” I demanded.
She called Leo and told the whole thing. He asked her to give me the mobile.
“We are not asking you anything now. You leave the station and come with them.”
“Okay brother. I asked time till 7:55, I will come if train doesn’t come.” I replied.
“No! 7:50!” She was yelling from my side.
My father called me.
“Train didn’t arrive yet?” he was shocked.
“Uncle, allow him to be here tonight.” It was Vallan.
“He didn’t take any dress ma.” My father was replying.
“You can hear him but he can’t.” I told my father.
Just a minute to 7:50
She will not allow me. She will stand on her time.
My father was still on the line. I was dumb for some seconds.
Few seconds to 7:50!
Horn sound!
“Train came. daddy!” I said. He hung up.
Carlos held my shoulder to take me to the compartment.
“I will not allow you if the train is crowded.” Vallan was chasing me with words.
“Carlos anna! No! There are many inside!” he shouted this time.
“I can manage.” I replied louder.
I got the train.
“Go inside Vinoth.” Akka insisted.
“Call us after reaching.” Carlos said.
“Take care anna. Bye. Call us.” Vallan said with holding my hand. He didn’t take his hand even after the train moved an inch.
I didn’t want to come from them. I cursed myself for doing like this. What to do? As Carlos said, “Professional ethics.”
After our session, during the lunch, a girl named Anne asked me a question.
“What do you want to change within you?”
I asked her to give me some more time to answer and didn’t answer.
“Here I reveal in the public. I have the courage to express what I think. But, I many times failed to express what I feel. It was a conflict between my desire and that senseless determination. Many people allowed their desire to win. But I determined to defeat my desires and lost a lot. In fact, everybody would have been very happy if I had gone to the place again.
I should change this. I should express my valid desires without hesitation, without fear and without minding dignity when I am given a chance.
Can anybody convey my answer to her?

1 comment:

  1. Even I many time do like this and feel bad a lot after doing like that Anna. I consider This as your message to me to this night Anna.


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