08 July 2014


Posted by Vinoth Subramanian | Tuesday, July 08, 2014 Categories: , , , , ,

Once I was reading Bacon’s essays, I came across these following lines.
“Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few
To be chewed and digested;” likewise, some girls are to be forgotten, others to be thought, and some few to be mused and remembered.

I wanted to forget her when she appeared for the first time, I decided to think of her when she arrived second time, I thought of remembering her when she came for the third time for him. What would I have done? If she had come for the fourth time to me? This story of mine wouldn’t have been possible if she wouldn’t have reappeared. I am still perpetuating this because, she came once again.

We were entering to the exam hall for our geography exam. After reaching the hall, I left my friends and occupied the chair which was allotted for me. Without having much expectation of any scribe, I was simply sitting and thinking of the answers which I studied at the last minute of the exam. A bevy of girls were intruding to the hall. One of them came and sat before me and put her handbag on the table, later put it on her left side. I didn’t pay much attention to her and deeply involved in some other thoughts. Nearly after two to three minutes, she only started the conversation.
“Had your lunch?”
Sometimes I skip lunches   due to cumbersome portions of exams. It was one of the days I didn’t go for lunch. Not because the subject was heavy, but I didn’t feel like going. Her asking made me recognize her without any difficulty. Yes! It was she who had come again. Though I didn’t go, her affectionate enquiry satiated me as if I had full meals on that day.
“I had my lunch sister. How are you? What about your lunch?” I lied willingly but asked her with real concern. I always believe in one thing that we can utter lie without hesitation to the people who really like us provided if it gives them satisfaction.
“I am very fine, had my lunch.” She said with a smile. But I sullied her for she also might have lied like me for my gratification.
“Do you remember me? Ramya I am.” She asked hesitantly. May be, I thought, it would have been the time for her to suspect me back.
“Do you think I can forget you?” I clarified her doubt by my question.
“What is your exam today?” she asked me curiously.
“For us today, geography. But how can you write?”
“Why? What is the problem?”
“The exam will be in Tamil.” I replied her sadly.
“Okay let it be.” She retorted calmly which made me lose my patience.
“Do you know Tamil?”
“Yeah! I can write both Tamil and English.” Her casual sayings rejuvenated me.
“How was your previous exam Vinoth?”
Meanwhile, the question paper came and we started writing. Nonetheless I didn’t forget her question and also didn’t forget to answer her back
“It was nice sister.”
“I came, you know?” she said while she was writing
“Did you come yesterday?” I asked surprisingly.
“No, no! I came day before yesterday. Yesterday also you had exam?”
“Yes, we have exams daily.”
“I thought of coming to you but you were sitting with another girl.” She said that made me recollect Prabhakar’s words.
“Oh, sorry sister.” I replied her seriously.
“It’s okay, what could you have done for that? I should have been early. At last I wrote for Prabhakar.” She said and continued “do you know him?”
“He is my class mate!” I replied her instantly.
“Yeah he told me while we were writing.” She said and waiting for my reply.
“Yeah sister, I know he told me too.” I replied and intentionally let her proceed to another question.
She was reading questions from the paper and giving shapes to my answer in the answer sheet. However, she didn’t forget to ask the question which was in her mind.
“Is it? What was he telling?” she was very curious to get an answer from me.
But this time, I deliberately left her personal question and continued the exam by telling the answers related to the question paper. I knew she would be very curious to know; still she didn’t talk about anything and continuously conversing with the paper by the pen.
I didn’t want her to wait much hence I said,
“Each and everything which you said to him.” I further added,
“He also said about your likes and dislikes.”
“Oh! You people talk about us?”
“Yeah sister! Since we’re having different kinds of experiences daily.”
We nearly finished one word answers but the last question tested my ability. This time I didn’t have fear to express myself to her but slightly felt sad of unable to recollect the answer. I hesitantly said,
“Sister, I am not sure of this answer. So—so—“
All of a sudden I was reminded of my previous year English exam in which she came and asked me the question “didn’t you study?”
Oh! God! What a beautiful question it was? What a bewitching question it was? My ears were really craving to hear the same question at that time. I asked myself,
“Won’t she ask me once again the same?” “Won’t she ask me now, ‘didn’t you study’?”
I really felt like hearing there but she didn’t feel like asking rather she said,
“Leave it, we will see to it later. Why do you worry for a single mark? Day before yesterday we nearly left eight to ten marks but he was very cool and happy!”
We didn’t utter a single word for sometimes since we were busy with the exam.
I was often calling her “sister” while answering. At one point of time she asked,
“Why can’t you call me Ramya? Why do you say sister? I am not that much older. In fact Prabhakar was addressing me only by name.”
“I am accustomed to it. What to do?” I replied her promptly. There after I didn’t call her sister though I really considered her as my friendly sister. I didn’t wist how I got courage to ask it.
“What is your date of birth?” This was the doubt I asked her at that time.
“Very important question for the nation right?” said but not she. It was the voice of my mind. Dear readers here I have to introduce an important character which played a vital role in this story.
The character didn’t emerge from outside rather appeared in me. It was none other than my mind. It started dominating me while I was talking to her.
“Mine is 1990.” She said and pulled my identity card in order to see mine.
After seeing it, she asked,
“But prabhakar is, I think, eldest of all. Right?”
“Yes he studied in normal school for some years.” I replied her.
“Vinoth may I tell you something?” she continued, “I like three boys very much.”
“Same dialogue!” I said to myself and let her proceed.
“First one is Praveen, who studied with me in school.”
“Okay, then?”
“Third one is Prabhakar.” She said and intentionally skipped the second person.
“Okay, who is that second guy?” I asked her excitingly
“Don’t you know? You said that he told you everything?”
“Yes he told me everything, but forgot to tell this.” I replied her and anticipating my name from her lips.
“You are acting smart vinoth.” She said and spilt a drop of smile from her lips.
“But not like you!”
“When did I act?” she replied very shockingly.
“I meant, I am not smart like you.”
For that she blushed and said,
“It’s you da! Are you happy now?”
Yes I was happy and thought of taking my next move towards her. I didn’t know whether I was right or wrong, but I wanted it, I felt that I will be jubilated if I can get it, so I determined to ask it.
Meanwhile she said with the sigh, “Finished Vinoth just a minute, Oh! My fingers!” she continued “Let me underline the significant headings.”
The girl who offered me fear in the beginning, the girl who offered me comfort later, the girl who offered me courage and confidence at last, was sitting before me after writing everything and popping her knuckles that indicated the pain of her fingers to me. What else I could do at that moment! The pen had already cried enough for her soft fingers by shedding blue-tears on the paper.
After some seconds, the black pen substituted the blue pen but the fingers remained the same. She began to underline but I couldn’t keep quiet.
“Do you use mobile?” I asked hesitantly.
Yes readers; actually I wanted to get her mobile number. Though I gained some courage, it was not up to the level of asking it. Therefore I started interrogating indirectly. She was still underlining then. All of a sudden,
“This is your limit, it is not good for you to cross limit to a girl like this! I know where you are aiming now!”
But I was not scared of those words because, the voice was not hers but from my mind. While she was underlining, my mind started to dispatch many question towards me. Though each and every question was logical, I didn’t decry to defend them.
“Are you aware of what you are doing vinoth?” my mind asked and continued,
 “Why are you asking it now?”
“What is wrong in that? More over my friends have many times done this.” I retorted   instantly.
“Remember, you are not others!” said my mind and tried to convince me.
“But she is not like others!” I gave a proper reply to it.
“She was a stranger before and will be somebody in the future.”
“No! She is my scribe and not a stranger.”
“But not more than a scribe!”
At that time, I was really perplexed by my mind’s reply and decided not to ask anything more. But what to do? Her answer made me proceed to another question.
“I am using Vinoth.” Said she after underlining.
Without any hesitation, I asked,
“What model?”
“Nokia.” She said and started rechecking the answer sheet.
I thought I was in the right track. When I was about to move to the next level, my mind once again interrupted me.
“Did you forget the words which you uttered to your friends?” asked me vehemently. I really felt ashamed of myself there for the words I uttered to my friends in the name of advise. I started recollecting the incident. Once my friends told that they have got the scribes numbers. I replied.
“why are you doing like this; you are students they are your scribes; they mayn’t even come again; at least, getting readers phone numbers will be useful; surely I will never do like you guys.” One of them said for that, “One day you will also come with the phone number man I swear it.” Dear readers, I think I don’t want to explain who readers are because; every one might have already been aware of them. I was unable to believe myself and the change which took place in me. Yes, I could notice that I was slumping at that particular time. Even Homer would make grammar mistake when the circumstances act against him. Won’t I?
“What to do with this 49th question Vinoth which we left?” she asked me and was ready to hand over the paper.
“I don’t have any idea we’ll leave it.” I replied and started to enquire her again.
“What about the Sim?” I asked eventually still panic to ask the number directly.
“Since she likes you, it doesn’t mean that she will give you whatever you’d like to get from her.” Obviously it was the voice of my mind. Nevertheless she didn’t deny retorting.
“Airtel” she said and continued, “shall I hand over the paper to invigilator?”
I responded her by nodding my head.
Eventually that convivial atmosphere was about to come to an end.
She came back after submitting the answer sheet and gave my pens, pencil and question paper to me.
“Nice Vinoth, I think, I may not come again.”
“Okay.” I replied her reluctantly. Though she told me to call by her name, I didn’t because, I couldn’t. I neither called her “sister”, nor called her “Ramya.”
“Anything else?” she asked me.
I didn’t know what to say hence I replied, “nothing else and thank you very much for coming.”
She pulled my hand and shook for a while. When those golden seconds were sustaining she said,
“All the very best Vinoth for your public exam.” she embellished and my hand was still in her hand. “You should do well and take care of your health.” She wished and unleashed my palm. She took her bag and uttered a last word to me.
“Bye Vinoth.”
At last I summoned some courage and made an attempt to ask her number by calling her name and opened my mouth but the languages disappeared, the words got stuck, and my tongue became paralysed and denied to produce any word except the last word she used.
“Bye.” I replied unconsciously and forgot to notice that my mouth was half opened.
 She was moving from the hall. The well-composed melody of her slippers and anklets brought me back to the world. I left the exam hall without joining any of my friends. Suddenly, I heard a voice.
“Vinoth, Vinoth wait! Wait!” The hand stopped me while calling my name. It was none other than Prabhakar. Without uttering a single word, I started walking down with him.
“How was the exam today? Who was the scribe?” he asked me unexpectedly.
“Nice Prabhakar and the scribe was Ramya.”
Her name was the last word I uttered. My mouth forgot to reply him when he spoke, my hand felt the heaviness of the question paper, my stomach informed about my lunch which I skipped, the air was combing my hair, body was becoming fatigued, mind was travelling somewhere and the feet where losing their strength but the ears were still listening to his speech. 
“She has come for the fourth time I think. Right?”
“ “
“I also did well.”
“ “
“I got a good scribe today.”
“ “
“She was very friendly.”
“ “
“You know something? She said that it was her first coming!”
“ “
“She said that I was looking like her cousin brother.”
“ “
“Hay! Vinoth! Forgot to tell an important thing! We exchanged our contact numbers!”

The end.

Comments are welcome


  1. oh! nalla poyikittu iruntha kathai last aa tragedy la end aanathu so sad!

  2. many more happy returns of the day da vinoth
    usually everyone gives a gift to a birthday baby but today the birthday baby gives us a memorable gift I mean your post "
    its so nice to know about your past life incident, you & I have shared lot of our life incidents but some how I missed it to hear from you,


  3. you're a loser against her in each of your confrontations. and, you lost her too, by which, you lost yourself too! but could you explain to me the relevance of the story's title to its content?

  4. Dear Krishna, to answer you, I decided to like her only because i disliked her in the beginning. met many in my life but why did i like her this much because i disliked her. Otherwise it wouldn't have been possible. if i didn't dislike her before, the next and the following meetings would have been casual.

  5. Painful experience, but beautiful presentation Anna.
    I could feel the pathos even after coming across for the second time. The last line
    has its significance in raising up the sufferings like adding fuel to the fire.

    Kishor Ram

  6. Lovely portrayal of how desperate desires have been deprived of free expression. while reading, i have gone to my past where i have moved little ahead of you but couldn't succeed to the fullest. "let her lead a blissful life!" is what now my mind utters in me.

  7. Thanks Kishore and Bala brother. You're cent % right brother. Everyone has an unforgettable experience. i am yet to sculpt it in words here. If i do in the future, the topic would be "The chocolate paper"

  8. oh, what the meaning of this :)
    so, you really like her right now??


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