29 November 2015


Posted by Vinoth Subramanian | Sunday, November 29, 2015 Categories: , , , ,

Sex education: needed are not needed was the debate of the movie Kutram Kadithal
Before going to the actual discussion, let me kill you by sharing some of my comical experiences.
First part
A girl was blabbing in the class during study hours.
“Can anybody tell me the Tamil version of  ‘I love you?’”
None of them unfasten their lips except one. It was none other me. I calmly rose from my chair and went near to clarify.
“You should not mistake me if I let you know.”
“I won’t, you tell.” She replied.
She was inquisitive to know. I was hesitant to say.
“Tell before any teacher comes.”
I felt shy to utter the exact Tamil version (Nan unnai kadhalikkiren) of the word ‘I love you’ and ended up in whispering in to her ear,
“Nan unnai nesikkiren.”
That’s all! She started screaming in the classroom.
“Oh my god!!! Oh my god! Vinoth proposed me! Vinoth proposed me! I will complain! I will complain! I will complain about you! I will complain to sister! (Headmistress) I will complain to teacher!”
I was completely frozen. It was too much for a third standard boy. And, her brother was studying in the next class, which produced some mild tremors in my heart.
Fortunately, nothing had happened, and that was the last time I uttered the word ‘I love you.’

The other incident which happed when I was doing fifth. Some of my classmates asked me,
“Do you love any girl in the class?”
I said no.
“No, you must say at least one.”
I denied and said I never had such thought in my mind.
“Okay, who is your favorite girl?” one of them asked.
I said all.
“No, you are prevaricating. You must have one favorite girl. For example, my favorite girl is--- his favorite girl is ---. Like that, you also have one but, you don’t wish to tell us. Be frank. Be honest!” one of them concluded.
I thought a little and uttered a name of a girl. All of a sudden,
“Okay! Vinoth loves ---.” He declared and dismantled the crowd.

An awareness program was conducted about aids when I was in my eighth standard. They talked about the cause and aids. The doctor asked us to clarify our doubts regarding sex and biological growth. I disliked the whole program. For me, at that time, sex and talking about sex was a sin. When most of my friends were asking various doubts regarding this, I was engaging in a serious discussion with my neighbor.
“When will they give cake and puffs?”
Years had been slowly, sometimes quickly crawling, and I was slowly gaining the knowledge through my friend. My education about sex, which should have happened in class, took place in corridors.  I had moved to eleventh standard where another awareness program was conducted in our national social service (NSS) camp. This time it was exclusively for sex and human’s biological growth and I was bit different towards the situation completely. Friends were asking plenty of questions regarding biological changes, gender differences, puberty, masturbation, do’s and don’ts, pregnancy, and more. I didn’t raise any question. Not that I didn’t want to know, but, I felt shy to know about them in public. And I was sure of one thing that is my friends would certainly ask about many areas. They had been probing the doctor like an income tax officers, and he also responded with patience!

However, I wanted to know about it in a legal manner. My first book about sex was Thirukural, which was illegally stolen by my friend and me from our school library in eleventh. The couplets were hard enough to understand and I concentrated only on the explanations. It was about love and sex. Even now I feel very happy for peculating the third part of Thirukural where I could learn sex along with the importance of love. Sex is the thing of dignity and divinity when it happens with unconditional and true love was the overall lesson I had learned from that sacred scripture.

When I was in college, I had asked some books from my friend related to education and was slightly startled to notice some books related to sex in that folder. They were all straight forward and directly addressing the issues such as intercourse, pregnancy, growth of the child, medical terms, delivery, women’s issues and every other thing. I was fortunate to read those books. The most unforgettable and appreciable book in my life was a novel ‘Karuvachi kaviyam’ written by Vairamuthu which I had read in my third year under graduation. When one of my friends asked me about the taste of the book, I said,
“After reading the book ‘Karuvachi kaviyam’, a man would not sexually abuse a woman even if he finds her standing naked in front of him.”

To tell about erotic stories, I am fortunate to be born in this century though I am a visually challenged. When I was doing my second year under graduation, I had received a mail from my friend and it was the first ever erotic story which I had read in my life. The story was about the relationship between a teacher and her student, then, I happened to read many stories as such. To be honest, the novel “Fifty shades of gray” has done nothing inside me. My friend asked me about the novel. I said, “Fifty shades of gray, the reflection of author’s psychological disorder and mental ailments.”

Adding further, I happened to read news on line about sex education, which insisted the teachers and parents to teach about ‘what is good touch and what is bad touch’ to their children. In the same news paper, on the other day, I read the other news, “The tenth standard boy eloped with his science teacher. A college student escaped with his lady lecturer.”
Who to be taught this sex education now? They may be rare cases but, Shouldn’t they be considered as part of society? Each and every child must be taught. Teachers may fail sometime. Mothers should be the first teachers to their daughters and fathers should be the first to their sons. Blushes can’t rescue fleshes.

When I was teaching in a school, a ninth standard boy said: “I love my science teacher.” The other student immediately interfered, “Sir, but, our mathematics teacher is more bewitching and charming than our science teacher. I wonder why this boy is fond of our science teacher.”
I was not shocked but, How to react was the confusion. The psychological fact which I have understood is that each and every human is driven by sex, and they come out in their adolescence. My friend had told this to me once,
“As a teacher, in a girls’ school, I was completely terrified to witness the twelfth standard girls seducing seventh standard girls for their pleasure.”
Even I was little startled after listening to her. I have noticed this Freud’s ‘pleasure principle’ with boys and, not with girls. But, this incident is an example to depict that both are equal, and now, girls/women are also getting the opportunities to indulge themselves. Everyone is famished, famished for food and sex, and the food chain formula is applicable to both men and women. Men dominate women and younger men. Women dominate young women and innocent men. It is the matter of status which they possess in a particular society. Most of the juveniles are stimulated and misled by social media. Hence, Advising, preventing, controlling at this age is not going to work. They have to be taught, taught this sex education consciously, clearly, frankly and perfectly. Not only to control them, but, also to rescue from victimizers.

Recently, in Bangalore, 3000 parents have signed to insist sex education and dispatched the petition to central government. They have quoted, “It’s a strange, but a bitter truth to digest that even boys are sexually harassed like girls.”
Therefore, despite many difficulties, sex education is much needed for students; especially for teenage students and young children. They should be taught about good touch and bad touch in their childhood. Sex, I feel, should not be taught as science but as moral and social science. They should be taught that the true love should be the root cause of sex and sex should not be the aim of love. Every school, beyond teachers, must have sexologist and psychiatrist as they have efficient masters for art, music and sports. Both boys and girls should be taught in their adolescence, and should be taught in a separate classroom for they may feel uncomfortable learning this sex education together. Needless to register here, girls should be taught by female teachers and boys should be taught by their male teachers. Simultaneously, it is very significant for the parents to become their first teachers in this regard. Disciplined fathers can teach their sons and dignified mothers can teach their daughters.
Unfortunately, there is a need of employing the adjectives “discipline fathers and dignified mothers.” Most of us have heard, studied and come across stories of heartless fathers who have seduced their daughters but, this incident is quite strange and a believable fact.

One of my lecturers shared this incident with me. She told,
“Some years ago, I had a studious boy in my class; unfortunately, he started losing his concentration which really started worrying me. I called him in person, probed of his difficulties but, received nothing except his prolonged silence. He was becoming dangerously depressed and scarcely concentrating in the classroom. Even his friends were unable to decipher any truth from his miserable countenance. I had to pay special attention to him for few days. Eventually, after an extended conversation, he had revealed the cause for his condition, which had really shocked me.”
I was inquisitive to wist the cause from my professor, and she said.
“He told me, ‘I am the only son to my parents, my father had passed away two years ago. Both my mother and I were very dejected. Days and months slipped; my mother became very affectionate with me. I felt happy and relieved in the beginning. But, later, I couldn’t believe that my mother’s… my mother’s…’ he fumbled and managed to continue again. ‘My mother’s behaviour seemed strange to me. She… She… started using… started using… me as her… as her…’ he cried for some minutes and managed to correct his sentence. ‘She started using me for her pleasure and I had to comply.’
He said he had been utilized by his own mother for her physical thirst for the last six months.” She completed.
I could make certain observations from that story. The boy, I observed, has not only lost his father but also the mother. And his mother has lost her son as well. Every error has another side to get justified, and this issue is not an exception. She was indeed wrong as a mother but, as a woman?
Mayhap, she might not have wanted to become a victim to the society by submitting her torso to some other men, and tried to convert herself as a dominant woman to her own son.
Hence, the phrase ‘dignified mother’ was needed to this article.
As Freud said, “Human is a sexual animal.” Some of us are domestic and some turning out to be wild. It is our duty and responsibility to tame to protect the society, which is possible only through mandatory sex-education.


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