Sex education: needed are not needed was the debate of the
movie Kutram Kadithal
Before going to the actual discussion, let me kill you by
sharing some of my comical experiences.
A girl was blabbing in the class during study hours.
“Can anybody tell me the Tamil version of ‘I love you?’”
None of them unfasten their lips except one. It was none
other me. I calmly rose from my chair and went near to clarify.
“You should not mistake me if I let you know.”
“I won’t, you tell.” She replied.
She was inquisitive to know. I was hesitant to say.
“Tell before any teacher comes.”
I felt shy to utter the exact Tamil version (Nan unnai
kadhalikkiren) of the word ‘I love you’ and ended up in whispering in to her
ear,
“Nan unnai nesikkiren.”
That’s all! She started screaming in the classroom.
“Oh my god!!! Oh my god! Vinoth proposed me! Vinoth proposed
me! I will complain! I will complain! I will complain about you! I will
complain to sister! (Headmistress) I will complain to teacher!”
I was completely frozen. It was too much for a third
standard boy. And, her brother was studying in the next class, which produced
some mild tremors in my heart.
Fortunately, nothing had happened, and that was the last
time I uttered the word ‘I love you.’
The other incident which happed when I was doing fifth. Some
of my classmates asked me,
“Do you love any girl in the class?”
I said no.
“No, you must say at least one.”
I denied and said I never had such thought in my mind.
“Okay, who is your favorite girl?” one of them asked.
I said all.
“No, you are prevaricating. You must have one favorite girl.
For example, my favorite girl is--- his favorite girl is ---. Like that, you
also have one but, you don’t wish to tell us. Be frank. Be honest!” one of them
concluded.
I thought a little and uttered a name of a girl. All of a
sudden,
“Okay! Vinoth loves ---.” He declared and dismantled the crowd.
An awareness program was conducted about aids when I was in
my eighth standard. They talked about the cause and aids. The doctor asked us
to clarify our doubts regarding sex and biological growth. I disliked the whole
program. For me, at that time, sex and talking about sex was a sin. When most
of my friends were asking various doubts regarding this, I was engaging in a serious
discussion with my neighbor.
“When will they give cake and puffs?”
Years had been slowly, sometimes quickly crawling, and I was
slowly gaining the knowledge through my friend. My education about sex, which
should have happened in class, took place in corridors. I had moved to eleventh standard where another
awareness program was conducted in our national social service (NSS) camp. This
time it was exclusively for sex and human’s biological growth and I was bit
different towards the situation completely. Friends were asking plenty of
questions regarding biological changes, gender differences, puberty,
masturbation, do’s and don’ts, pregnancy, and more. I didn’t raise any
question. Not that I didn’t want to know, but, I felt shy to know about them in
public. And I was sure of one thing that is my friends would certainly ask
about many areas. They had been probing the doctor like an income tax officers,
and he also responded with patience!
However, I wanted to know about it in a legal manner. My first
book about sex was Thirukural, which was illegally stolen by my friend and me
from our school library in eleventh. The couplets were hard enough to
understand and I concentrated only on the explanations. It was about love and
sex. Even now I feel very happy for peculating the third part of Thirukural
where I could learn sex along with the importance of love. Sex is the thing of
dignity and divinity when it happens with unconditional and true love was the overall
lesson I had learned from that sacred scripture.
When I was in college, I had asked some books from my friend
related to education and was slightly startled to notice some books related to
sex in that folder. They were all straight forward and directly addressing the
issues such as intercourse, pregnancy, growth of the child, medical terms,
delivery, women’s issues and every other thing. I was fortunate to read those
books. The most unforgettable and appreciable book in my life was a novel
‘Karuvachi kaviyam’ written by Vairamuthu which I had read in my third year
under graduation. When one of my friends asked me about the taste of the book,
I said,
“After reading the book ‘Karuvachi kaviyam’, a man would not
sexually abuse a woman even if he finds her standing naked in front of him.”
To tell about erotic stories, I am fortunate to be born in
this century though I am a visually challenged. When I was doing my second year
under graduation, I had received a mail from my friend and it was the first
ever erotic story which I had read in my life. The story was about the
relationship between a teacher and her student, then, I happened to read many
stories as such. To be honest, the novel “Fifty shades of gray” has done
nothing inside me. My friend asked me about the novel. I said, “Fifty shades of
gray, the reflection of author’s psychological disorder and mental ailments.”
Adding further, I happened to read news on line about sex
education, which insisted the teachers and parents to teach about ‘what is good
touch and what is bad touch’ to their children. In the same news paper, on the
other day, I read the other news, “The tenth standard boy eloped with his
science teacher. A college student escaped with his lady lecturer.”
Who to be taught this sex education now? They may be rare
cases but, Shouldn’t they be considered as part of society? Each and every
child must be taught. Teachers may fail sometime. Mothers should be the first
teachers to their daughters and fathers should be the first to their sons.
Blushes can’t rescue fleshes.
When I was teaching in a school, a ninth standard boy said:
“I love my science teacher.” The other student immediately interfered, “Sir,
but, our mathematics teacher is more bewitching and charming than our science
teacher. I wonder why this boy is fond of our science teacher.”
I was not shocked but, How to react was the confusion. The
psychological fact which I have understood is that each and every human is
driven by sex, and they come out in their adolescence. My friend had told this
to me once,
“As a teacher, in a girls’ school, I was completely
terrified to witness the twelfth standard girls seducing seventh standard girls
for their pleasure.”
Even I was little startled after listening to her. I have
noticed this Freud’s ‘pleasure principle’ with boys and, not with girls. But,
this incident is an example to depict that both are equal, and now, girls/women
are also getting the opportunities to indulge themselves. Everyone is famished,
famished for food and sex, and the food chain formula is applicable to both men
and women. Men dominate women and younger men. Women dominate young women and
innocent men. It is the matter of status which they possess in a particular
society. Most of the juveniles are stimulated and misled by social media.
Hence, Advising, preventing, controlling at this age is not going to work. They
have to be taught, taught this sex education consciously, clearly, frankly
and perfectly. Not only to control them, but, also to rescue from victimizers.
Recently, in Bangalore, 3000 parents have signed to insist
sex education and dispatched the petition to central government. They have
quoted, “It’s a strange, but a bitter truth to digest that even boys are
sexually harassed like girls.”
Therefore, despite many difficulties, sex education is much
needed for students; especially for teenage students and young children. They
should be taught about good touch and bad touch in their childhood. Sex, I
feel, should not be taught as science but as moral and social science. They
should be taught that the true love should be the root cause of sex and sex
should not be the aim of love. Every school, beyond teachers, must have
sexologist and psychiatrist as they have efficient masters for art, music and
sports. Both boys and girls should be taught in their adolescence, and should
be taught in a separate classroom for they may feel uncomfortable learning this
sex education together. Needless to register here, girls should be taught by
female teachers and boys should be taught by their male teachers.
Simultaneously, it is very significant for the parents to become their first
teachers in this regard. Disciplined fathers can teach their sons and dignified
mothers can teach their daughters.
Unfortunately, there is a need of employing the adjectives
“discipline fathers and dignified mothers.” Most of us have heard, studied and
come across stories of heartless fathers who have seduced their daughters but,
this incident is quite strange and a believable fact.
One of my lecturers shared this incident with me. She told,
“Some years ago, I had a studious boy in my class;
unfortunately, he started losing his concentration which really started
worrying me. I called him in person, probed of his difficulties but, received
nothing except his prolonged silence. He was becoming dangerously depressed and
scarcely concentrating in the classroom. Even his friends were unable to decipher
any truth from his miserable countenance. I had to pay special attention to him
for few days. Eventually, after an extended conversation, he had revealed the
cause for his condition, which had really shocked me.”
I was inquisitive to wist the cause from my professor, and
she said.
“He told me, ‘I am the only son to my parents, my father had
passed away two years ago. Both my mother and I were very dejected. Days and
months slipped; my mother became very affectionate with me. I felt happy and
relieved in the beginning. But, later, I couldn’t believe that my mother’s… my
mother’s…’ he fumbled and managed to continue again. ‘My mother’s behaviour
seemed strange to me. She… She… started using… started using… me as her… as
her…’ he cried for some minutes and managed to correct his sentence. ‘She
started using me for her pleasure and I had to comply.’
He said he had been utilized by his own mother for her
physical thirst for the last six months.” She completed.
I could make certain observations from that story. The boy,
I observed, has not only lost his father but also the mother. And his mother has
lost her son as well. Every error has another side to get justified, and this
issue is not an exception. She was indeed wrong as a mother but, as a woman?
Mayhap, she might not have wanted to become a victim to the
society by submitting her torso to some other men, and tried to convert herself
as a dominant woman to her own son.
Hence, the phrase ‘dignified mother’ was needed to this
article.
As Freud said, “Human is a sexual animal.” Some of us are
domestic and some turning out to be wild. It is our duty and responsibility to
tame to protect the society, which is possible only through mandatory
sex-education.
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