IS SHE JUST MY FRIEND?

“I love her, I love her so much. I sincerely love her and I miss her a lot. I don’t know how to bear this pain. I don’t know where to share this. At last fate has separated me from her. But, I feel like meeting her. I feel like talking to her. I want to hug her. I feel like leaning on her shoulder. I want to wipe her tears. I want her to wipe my tears.  I feel like eating with her. I feel like holding her hands. I feel like walking with her as I did.

Five years have flown Vinoth. We didn’t meet each other yet. Tomorrow is her birthday. I want to go. I don’t know what to do. My parents don’t like her though they never met her. They say she is the reason for my joblessness, my irresponsibility and my current plights.”

I was reading and re-reading Chaaru’s messages which were sent on skype. Chaaru is my friend since 1^st standard. We studied together till 5^th in a blind school. My inquisitiveness forced me to ask her name whom she was talking about. But, she was even earlier.

“Her name is Valli.”

“You know something? I never called her by her name.”

Speechless! Bewildered!

A message came after an hour.

“Vinoth?”

“Finally!!! My parents accepted to take me to her tomorrow. I am in a seventh heaven Vinoth!!! I am going to meet her tomorrow after these five long and painful years! I will let you know the whole story after coming back.”

August fifteen was Valli’s birthday. I had got no message from Chaaru. She should have met her. I convinced myself. Days were simply crawling without any messages. I didn’t want to ask her anything for she has many restrictions to face at home. I thought of writing her story if she was interested.

August nineteenth 2015.

“Hi Vinoth. Will you mind writing my story in your Blog?” She asked me by leaving a message.

I was completely startled.

“I was thinking of the same. Yes, I can for sure. You can start now.” I replied.

She felt glee and started abducting me to her past memories.

“Her name is Valli. She studied well till 5th standard. It all started when she was in 6^th. She lost her mother which became a huge blow in her life. Unfortunately, she lost support from her friends as she was a slow learner, and finally failed in 6th. It was the moment that I was promoted to 6th standard. In 2002, in the beginning, we hesitated to speak with each other. Then I think I only started speaking to her. Then, I used to teach her lessons, used to write notes and give her. I love her so much till this minute.”

I didn’t understand Chaaru’s final message though I felt pity for Valli for losing parents and her fiasco in studies. What is the sense of loving her so much was my doubt. I waited for some more messages from Chaaru. She had checked my online availability and typed again.

“We studied together till 8th standard. Then, again she was detained and I was promoted to 9th. My promotion didn’t gratify me at all. I felt aloof in the crowd though they were all familiar visages. I felt very sorry for her. I started waiting for the interval bell to meet her. It rang but, I rushed to her class when she was rushing to mine. She was shouting out my name in my class and I was searching her in her class. The twenty minutes of interval time couldn’t indemnify those previous eight hour. Children prefer holidays but I disliked. She dwelled in the hostel. I used to go to school on holidays to meet her and speak and if possible teach something to her. She was very sentimental.”

Once again I couldn’t understand her final digression. Mayhap, I thought, she became more emotional. I didn’t want to ruffle her though she wanted my reply, and, said her not to expect my reply.

Meanwhile, something stuck my mind. Yes, if Valli was in hostel, if she was my senior when I was in 5^th, I thought, I must have seen her, else, I must have heard her name at least. But, she didn’t let me think further, and started again.

“At that time Joana teacher joined our school and used to take care of her and speak to her. Both loved each other so much. She seldom went to her home and mostly stayed in hostel which continues till now. Finally, she was promoted to 10th when I was in 12th. We went to tour together to Kanyakumari, Kutralam and Nagar koil. And we enjoyed a lot. Actually, in the tour itself, I noticed some unusual symptoms in her health but she didn’t disclose anything.

It was my final day in my school. I had completed my last exam. I couldn’t digest that I was going to part her. There she unveiled something which startled me to the core. She said she had been getting eaten by tuberculosis.

I didn’t know about it till the final day of my school. On the final day, when I asked the reason for hiding it, she told me that you would feel for me and that would affect your education. Then she also didn't write her exams due to her health. Sisters and teachers decided to place her in weaving section.”

I was reminded of that weaving section in that school. They don’t abandon visually challenged girls at any cause. I’ve visited that section when I was studying. They try their maximum to educate all visually challenged girls and if they struggle, if they don’t have any other places to continue, they offer self-supporting works to live the rest, and, weaving is one among them. She didn’t stop sending me message. I remained a listener which is the only thing I do with people.

“I couldn’t contact her till my final year under graduation. Days and months had been slipping. One day, I went to students get together. She called me from the back and it was the happiest moment in my life. Actually I thought of asking teachers about her, but, my name was uttered by her voice. I got her contact number to communicate and we used to speak whenever we find time. She can attend calls only on Wednesdays and Sundays and all government holidays. How good if all the other days turn into Sundays and Wednesdays? I used to call her and speak long. Whenever I want to have comfort, I’d call her during those days and used to cry. She will say, don't worry I will be there for you. She used to prey for me. Till last year she would go to her sister's home for long holidays. But they are not well to do. She earns 1000 rupees per month as pocket money /salary, and they demanded her money it seems. She started going to Molagumodu convent during holidays. She didn’t have many friends to support her. Last week when I met her, it was a pleasant experience. Actually I met her by surprise but, she was not feeling well and we didn't spend much time together

I reached by 11:30 A.M. and by that time 1 of our other friends was there.  Actually she was meeting her guests on her birthday, so, I didn't spend more time with her together. It was her friends she got in the convent.   She scolded me for troubling my parents and going there.

I told her that I was chided by my parents and came to see her. She scolded me for arguing with them. I was there till 2 pm with her. But my dream came true.

I feel very sad for not giving any birthday gift because, till the last moment, I was not sure of going.

With the help of someone, I took photo of her. But, I can't make it as screen saver in mobile, because, my parents will scold. They want me to be with studious girls and not with her. I sat by holding her hand, it was a very emotional and most unforgettable moment, and it was happening after more than 5 years. Her weakest fingers were making me a strongest girl I felt. Once, when I told her that I love her the most than my parents and family, she hit me. She is such and such a very nice and great and the ever best friend of mine and all comes after her. She had been explaining the importance of parents. I thought of teaching her lessons, but, she variably teaches me the life. That’s all. Thanks for allowing me to share about her. Even now, I hesitate to call her by name. I don't know why. In short, she is everything to me, and I love her so much. Even now some friends used to visit her during holidays. Even now, she will hesitate to tell me if she is not feeling well, but I do not leave her and don’t want to leave her.
Actually, My efforts to be with her and help her which failed every time, because, I thought of staying in hostel and help her in studies when I was studying, but my parents denied. Long story short, my intension for you to write is not just letting her known to all, but it should be a lesson for families who are having children with disability, and leave them in hostel forever and enjoying in homes.

Sorry, I just wrote what I thought but it’s fully your wish. Actually, I may not have told you the whole thing if I have talked about this. She wanted to study but her health didn’t permit her., we thought of helping her to learn computer by admitting her in KVTC (Resource center for visually challenged people), but it will not be safe without family support. She suffers a lot due to her ailments and she deliberately hides things from me these days. She doesn’t want me to suffer for her sufferings. Sorry, I became emotional and sentimental while sharing her story with you. She is not happy in her life but, never seeks it and, always wants me to be happy.”

I finished reading the whole story and thinking about the title. One more message from her. But, this time, she didn’t tell anything on the contrary, she asked me.

“After listening to the whole story, after knowing about her, you tell me Vinoth, is she just my friend?”