SHALL I START BLABBERING NOW?

This life is a combination of destiny and desire. It is difficult to answer whether the desire sets the destiny or vice versa. The combination becomes a chaotic competition sometimes where the mind gropes for a constant conclusion.

Leo sent us a message on February 4^th 2015 regarding our next day class and the money for our Mangalore trip. “Class at 9:30 AM tomorrow by Doctor KSA. Those who are coming to Mangalor do kindly bring Rs 1000 for booking train tickets. Good night…”

It was fifth February 2015. I had to get up early to catch that 7:00 train in Thiruninravur which would directly go to Nungambakkam railway station. Hence, I got up, reached the railway station, got the train and fortunately got the seat also in the very next station. Pattabiram came. The train was filled with crowd. I heard the noise of some ladies who were trying to get in to the train. They were totally 3 with one 3 years old kid. Shortly they managed to get inside that is near to me. The mother of that kid got the place first and sat which was on my right. Scarcely, one more person who was in the right corner got up and gave place to the lady who accompanied them. It must be either the friend or the sister of that kid’s mother. She came and sat on my right and sent the mother to the corner along with the kid. I had to shrink my body for it was a woman. Simultaneously, the grandmother of the kid got the opposite seat and sat in front of me.

I wist readers, my stupid seating arrangements looks like reasoning questions which  are ask in competitive exams. But it ends here. Here after the journey will perpetuate only with the kid and his mother.

The kid was holding the milk bottle at his hand. The mother showed him the other train which was coming in the opposite direction. He started uttering “Tain! Tain!” R was silent it seemed. The train was passing our train. The kid stretched his little fingers outside the window. The mother yelled at him and deflected. She told him not to stretch his finger out. The train was not even going on the next track in fact far from that. I assumed that he was trying to touch the other train. This life functions with assumptions than truths. The mother was still hindering his hand. I don’t know whether it is truth or assumption, desires always travel with obstacles. The kid had forgotten that he was already in a train or the mother might not have told him while sitting. Whatever, he was craving to touch the other one which was far from his fingers. It was not strange to me for we also forget that we already got something called “life” and invariably interested on others.

Desire, the child taught me, is not what we want rather what we can’t. The whole compartment was witnessing the kid’s comportment. One of them told him to drop the bottle for fun. “Don’t tell him Sir he will do scarcely and we can’t do anything till Chengalpattu comes.” I understood that they had to get down in Chengalpattu. Their destiny was far from mine. Another train came, in the opposite direction as before, the kid started shouting, the mother started deflecting his hands again which was about to move out of the window. He whimpered, she kissed, he laughed, she liked. What to do? He didn’t know that his destiny was long. He didn’t know that his desire was wrong though it was strong. The grandmother took the kid from his mother and asked to eat her breakfast. She added while taking, “He won’t let you eat and disturb you so give him and eat.” The child is the desire of a mother but sometimes becomes a disturbance also.  Musing the situation, I fathomed that we are all the forms of the desire of the formless god and never fail to disturb him like that child. Like that mother, god is suffering for creating us and we are suffering for getting created.

Beach station came. The woman, the sister/friend of that mother, got up and sat with that kid’s grandma. I felt relieved and guessed that the mother also would occupy the place which was opposite to me. But, it didn’t happen. I would be relaxed whenever I get corner seats for I can easily identify stations through  noises. She was still there and dropped the kid down from her lap for some time. He came to me and yanked my shoulder down to bend but he couldn’t. Then he attempted to pull and unlock the zip of my bag but failed. I was simply sitting and observing him. The mother scolded him with love. I felt sad for that kid for losing thrice. He attempted to touch the train but couldn’t. Then tried pulling my coolers but couldn’t. Finally my bag but got stopped.

How many trains we wrongly desired and failed to reach? How many coolers we didn’t get when they were at the edge of our hands? How many minds we failed to unlock after trying so hard?

When we lose something, we have to understand that it is already written that it is not written for us.

The mother took back her child and placed him on her lap. She conversed with him. “We are going to meet your father! Happy? Sleep well now. You can meet your father soon.” She insisted him to sleep. Initially he said no but later lied down. There was not enough space for the child to sleep so his mother placed his head on my lap and I said nothing. Who will decry the presence of heaven when it falls on the lap? The head was not heavy. He started blabbering and groping my body by stretching his sacred hands. It looked like he was singing. It looked like he was uttering something. It looked like he was blabbering. I couldn’t savvy anything. What to do? Even spoken words are beyond understanding, then how to understand his mystic sayings?

I thought of travelling till he wakes up and forgot that Nungambakkam station which was my actual destiny. Tony sir asked us to come after 9:30 I recollected. Even it takes time; I can convince him I happily convinced myself. The kid was my priority at that time. I didn’t want his peace to be disturbed and I should not be his disturbance. The train was nearing Nungambakkam. I made up my mind and decided not to get down and not even get up from the seat. But he got up from my lap and started teaching that holy lesson. His mother asked, “Won’t you sleep?” he didn’t show interest in sleeping she understood. I raised and started walking away to get down for the station had come. Why did he get up? How did he know me getting down here? Was it an accident? No… No… it wasn’t an accident I realized and trying to study his behaviour. His stillness intruded in to my mind as words. This must have been his preaching I believed.

“You reached your destiny! This is your destiny and that is why I got up from your lap. Get down. I am your desire. You liked and thought of owning me for some time. This life is a mystery. We don’t like which we own and we don’t own which we like. If we can’t get what we want, it means that is not we really wanted. When desire comes destiny disappears. When destiny comes desires disappear. You saw me losing thrice right? And that is the lesson I want to teach you. Our destiny can be our desire but desire should not be our destiny. Desire is something that we like and destiny is something that we understand before start liking. When we fully understand ourselves, we can understand our destiny also.”

I got down in the station, reached my college and entered in to my class. No one was present there. I started recollecting the incident.  The child would reach Chengalpattu soon and he will meet father who is going to his temporary destiny I said to myself. I didn’t expect that lesson from that kid which was far from my knowledge. But, I gathered one thing from that child. Let our desire not be the disturbance to the peace.

Buddham saranam gacchami.

Dhammam saranam gacchami.

Sangham saranam gacchami.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.